#but i will push past those things so i can see that scene for myself

[genderqueerdykes]

i read your post about punkness and thought i'd ask you since i love this account. i saw a tiktok (i know not a great place already) that said that you can't call yourself punk/be punk if you don't go to shows. is that true...? im severely disabled and deaf so i can't really listen to music and leave my house, but i've always identified myself with the punk/goth scene. i know music is a huge part of subcultures so i've always felt very left out of (online mainly) punk/goth spaces even though i try and participate in other ways.

hello there!

not only is that not true, but it's ableist and lame as hell. that is so pretentious, i am so tired of online punks distilling punk to "listens to loud music". and further more, people trying to create a divide between "real and fake punks." this is just the "POSER!!!!!!" fake goth shit from the 2000s all over again. punk shows are genuinely dangerous for a lot of people for quite literally no reason whatsoever. like they're enjoyable for many, but they are NOT accessible to disabled people in general. some places im sure go above and beyond but most are organized by someone who's intoxicated, or thinking about the "wow" factor more than anyone's safety or well being.

i don't go to shows anymore. i did for the better part of a year and then stopped because i am also disabled. most of the venues are VERY small and crowded. there is no room for mobility aids. i've had to be out on the floor with other people dancing and moshing without even a cane. you can very easily get pushed or hit or knocked down and people may or may not help you get up. also the crowds get filmed without anyone being informed beforehand that there might be filming happening and that might not feel welcoming to paranoid people

there's almost always flashing lights at shows for some reason, which can be extremely dangerous for epileptic and photosensitive individuals. these sorts of spaces are hell on earth for anxious people, people with PTSD, autism, schizophrenia, ADHD and many other kinds of neurodivergence and mental illness. there's generally not really spaces where you can decompress or stop hearing loud noises for a while. i literally just hung out outside most of the venues because the music was so loud it was making my ears ring. people with tinnitus and misophonia are going to struggle greatly in these environments

alcohol and drugs are the norms at these shows. often times, minors are not carded, and are in fact given booze and alcohol anyways because the show organizers just don't see that as a bad thing. i witnessed show organizers in my own area giving drugs and alcohol to minors and not carding anyone. i was offered so many different types of drugs and offered alcohol so many times it made me dizzy. i had issues with alcohol in the past and have trauma surrounding it and being around drunk people. these environments are NOT friendly for addicts and substance users who are trying to maintain a healthy relationship with substances, or those who need to be away from them in order to heal

like you mentioned, a lot of d/Deaf and hard of hearing people may not feel included in these spaces. not only that but shows can CAUSE hearing damage and loss, due to the fact that no one is making sure that the music is being played at a safe volume. most of the time it's as loud as the speakers will go, or close to it. most of the instruments are either intentionally poorly tuned, or tuned in such a way where they sound harsh, aggressive, avant garde and unique. as a result, this can hurt a lot of people's ears, overstimulate them, or cause them to faint if it's certain tones or decibels. i know many punks who developed hearing loss due to this

i tried to point out that saying that punks HAVE to listen to punk music is ableist toward d/Deaf and hard of hearing people but for whatever reason that pissed people off. but i'd like to stress again: if you assert that punks HAVE to listen to punk music, you are leaving out people with hearing difficulties. not all d/Deaf and hard of hearing people can't hear anything at all, I understand this. but saying that punks HAVE to listen to music is leaving out so many people with hearing difficulties or those who are in danger of losing their hearing. please be compassionate. this is a serious issue.

it's not virtue signalling to say that this affects deaf and hoh punks in a very serious way. thank you for reaching out to talk about it. honestly, shame on everyone who said it's virtue signalling to point out that punks saying you have to listen to music is a slap in the face to a lot of deaf and hoh people. i hope this gives you something to think about. you really need to consider people on every side of a spectrum when it comes to a disability. you need to care about people with significant or total hearing loss, too.

anyone who tells you you HAVE to go to shows and listen to punk music is a cop without realizing it. they're policing who punks are and what they do. that's gatekeeping. that's policing others' identities. that's literally unpunk. as long as you resonate with punk ideals and aren't a cop or other kind of fascist, you're a punk. it really is that simple. it's an entire subculture outside of just the music. i get how important the music is. but it's literally so ableist to say that punks HAVE to listen to music and HAVE to go to shows.

also, not all punks have the time. some punks have a family to care for or careers they enjoy. not all punks have a local punk music scene at all. that's a very privileged approach if you ask me.

[iamamythologicalcreature]

2024 Round-Up and Review

2024, aka The Year I Discovered I Love Drawing Baz With Long Hair.

But also.

Honestly?

(Yeah, I'm going to be honest. Yeah, it's going to be a long post. Buuuut it's my blog, so here we go!)

This past year was rough. Really rough. In many ways as difficult as 2020, and in some ways, even harder than that. I lost my specialized medical care after 2023, and my health tanked in 2024. Medication changes, chronic illness/pain, and the hardest thing of all was... this idea I seemed to have that if I could just fake it enough, I could make it. Like I could deny my disability into non-existence. Pretend it away.

Instead, I ended up pushing myself past the breaking point, with the worst possible timing ever.

And THEN (when I desperately needed to stop and rest), I packed up my life and moved across a continent. (I hadn't moved since college. So I thought I'd move and it'd be done. That was wrong. Ahem. I'm still moving in...)

But the GOOD that happened last year came in the form of friendship. That's not just a line. My friends were my lifeline. To those friends who stuck it out with me even when things were far from easy, thank you. You are the most incredible people I know, and your friendship has given me reasons and opportunities to feel joy and hope where I might not otherwise have done.

Okay. So. The ROUND-UP is... *drum roll*... Under the cut!

At first I was a bit bummed to see I'd only finished 9 pieces of art during the entire year. But since I am being honest... I know I did my best, and so clearly the best I could do last year was nine pieces of art. So many of those pieces were attached to amazing projects, though! I got to do several collaborations with some truly amazing human beings, and I also got to run my very first fest for the fandom! So I'm calling it good.

Now, finally, the art links:

(I won't be including works in progress on this list, as I still hope to finish them at some point XD)

January: Oh my God, January. I didn't finish anything in January, but I worked on a lot.

February:

Tis better to give than to receive - This was my contribution to Erotic Grope Fest, and it was my first time doing anything NSFW. It's pretty tame, all things considered, but I think it still fit the mission. Also ended up posting a high-res version of this on AO3. Because. I mean. Come on. XD

March:

Three lost boys (found) - I started out as a beta reader for @mooncello's inspired take on Neverland, but by the time I received chapter 2 I was very nearly begging to be able to illustrate it. I'd had this particular image in my mind after reading the matching scene in chapter one, but had tried to suppress the inspiration. Silly me. I'm so glad I gave in. This is a favorite of mine.

April:

Keeping Neverland - (Technically posted on Tumblr in May, but on AO3 in April, so...) Illustrating @mooncello's writing again, and this one was a challenge! But one I wholeheartedly embraced. I wanted to echo Baz's journey as an artist with my illustrations, so where I used pencil sketching for the chapter one illustration, I went for a finished charcoal drawing, here. Digital charcoal, it turns out, can be just as difficult as the real deal. Slightly less messy, though. (I'm very proud of this finished piece.) Also where I continued my exploration of Baz's long hair. XD

May:

A rough sketch for a rough night - It feels a little off to be posting this sketch in my art round-up, considering the emotional inspiration, but truth be told I ended up liking this sketch quite a lot. I also learned a couple things, from both the events of that night (not my finest moment) and the drawing of the sketch (hey putting my feelings into art is a good idea). So I think ultimately this little sketch deserves to be included on this list.

June:

Teenage Dream - I posted this on Tumblr in June, for my birthday, but I actually did the art at the beginning of the year for the Valentine's Day exchange on the Carry On server. I rarely finish anything to this degree, and am immensely proud of it. That said, I ended up using it for so many things last year, I'd be okay to not look at it again for awhile. (I called it "Teenage Dream" because it made me think of a daydream Baz might have had as a teenager - now made real with Simon by his side. Cause I'm a sucker for their romance >.> )

Illustration from The Eternal Life of Baz Pitch - So I'm not sure how I got lucky enough to earn a special preview of @monbons's story, but I knew I couldn't read it in pieces. So she let me read the whole thing. It was very cool. I read it all at once I think? And when I was done I crashed Monica's DMs to yell at her about it. But then I drew this picture. (While I was chatting with her, even, and casually asking her about cherry blossoms so I could draw them the way she imagined them. It was very fun.) Now we're friends. XD (Check out the fic - now posted in entirety!)

July: Uh. Migraines. Just migraines. I had to pull back from the fandom a lot, and stopped participating in a lot of online activities. Boo.

August: Sketched concepts for CORB, and packed.

September: I moved over 4000 miles.

October: Everything I worked on in October ended up debuting in...

November:

Carry On Through the Ages! Okay, as stressed and sick as I was, I have no regrets about taking on COTTA. It was AMAZING. So much wonderful content! It was SO GOOD to contribute to the fandom, and to do that with history geeking? Dream come true. I also dipped into my previous area of expertise (picture manipulation) and did some cursed paintings to promote it. Mona Baz, Stormchaser Gothic, Mademoiselle Wellbelove, and Iconic Icon Simon.

A Prophesied Rivalry - Another dream come true was collaborating with @monbons for COTTA! I loved talking ideas with her, and she was so supportive when I hit road blocks, too. I love Ancient Egyptian art, and this was as much a love letter to that ancient art style as it was to my beloved Snowbaz. (I did a ridiculous amount of research to do this piece.) (And now I have Egyptian Baz and Simon in my new apartment. Extreme Bonus.)

Snow on Ice Illustration - Getting paired with @leithillustration for CORB was like winning the creative collaboration lottery. Not only did they grasp my concept from the get-go, but they've taken it in a creative and exciting direction. Also, we've become good friends, which is the very best possible outcome for a collaboration. (You should check out their story if you haven't already!)

(Snow-kitty also got very sick at the end of November, which halted a lot of my progress on some WIPs. It was scary for a bit, but I am so happy to say he has fully recovered.)

December:

Snowflake Exchange presents More Than a Footnote - I kind of love that I started the year illustrating one of @mooncello's stories, and ended it with an illustration from another! I was so excited to pull Heath's name from the proverbial hat for the exchange. I'd wanted to draw something from More Than a Footnote since the first time Heath told me about it. I completely love Dev and Niall at this point, so I hope to play with them some more in the future! (BTW Heath I think you're one of my muses hope that's okay XD)

SO. Yeah, the year was often a hard one, but a lot of good happened in spite of all the bad. The good was even more valuable for daring to happen in the midst of so much blah. (And boy howdy, did I get a lot of material to learn from.)

In 2025, I think I'm going to focus more on accepting my limits. Like, I can still work on improving my health and functionality, but I really need to try and determine when I need to stop. That has its own learning curve, but I have to start somewhere! I'm also working on vision therapy, which I'm doing on my own since I can't afford the out-of-pocket expense. Still... So far, so good. Fingers crossed!

Creatively, I think 2025 will be the year where I get to work on projects I started in 2023 and 2024, and I find that quite exciting because those are ideas I genuinely loved. I also hope to bring some other ideas I've had for a very long time to life. (Finally.) I hope, hope, hope! And hey, if I get to do more collabs? That would be awesome, too. (Carry On Through the Ages will be returning, as well!)

Thank you to these lovely people for tagging me in on this round-up, and for remembering me despite my frequent absence!

@emeryhall, @rimeswithpurple, @prettygoododds, @artsyunderstudy, @noblecorgi, @alexalexinii, @best--dress, @j-nipper-95, @roomwithanopenfire, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @imagineacoolusername, @mooncello, @whatevertheweather, @thewholelemon, @youarenevertooold, @monbons

And to everyone who is still tagging me on wipsday posts, other things, commented, any of that! Thank you. It means a lot to me. Hello's and How-Do's and general well-wishes to:

@drowninginships, @aristocratic-otter, @that-disabled-princess, @leithillustration, @bookish-bogwitch, @theimpossibledemon, @fiend-for-culture, @bazzybelle, @ic3-que3n, @blackberrysummerblog, @run-for-chamo-miles, @shrekgogurt, @confused-bi-queer, @hushed-chorus, @cutestkilla, @skeedelvee, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @wellbelesbian, @facewithoutheart, @ileadacharmedlife,, @raenestee, @supercutedinosaurs, @fatalfangirl, @palimpsessed, @martsonmars, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @theearlgreymage

And anyone else who actually read my extremely long post. XD

[fraternum-momentum]

I DID NOT KNOW LOVE AND DEEPSPACE HAD MEN MOANING IN IT?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!!?!?!

[fastandcarlos]

Yeah, Life Is Pretty Good! : ̗̀➛ Carlos Sainz

summary: in which carlos finds himself daydreaming wondering how he managed to achieve such a perfect life

“Have you even been listening to a word that I’ve been saying?” 

The raise in volume of your voice had Carlos’ eyes snapping over in your direction, his eyes going wide. Your head shook, the guilt on his expression clear as he glanced back down at your son who he held tightly in his arms. 

“You weren’t were you?” You sighed, folding your arms in front of his chest. “I swear I might as well talk to myself sometimes with you, what’s been going on with you these days?” 

“Sorry,” Carlos sighed, “what was it that you were saying?” 

You dismissed Carlos as you left your son’s nursery, heading downstairs to get on with some work that you had to do. Carlos felt terrible as he watched you go, having tried his best to listen, but unable to quite concentrate enough. 

“That’s your fault,” Carlos scolded your son, “I can’t help but sit and watch you and that means I don’t hear your mummy.” 

Over the past three weeks since your son arrived, Carlos had felt new emotions that he’d never experienced before. He was overwhelmed, happy, a little bit tired, but above all else, he was so in love. 

Getting used to the newborn stage was exciting for him, each day he was finding out new things about your son, discovering new details or picking up on little habits. He was completely infatuated with his new status as dad, he couldn’t get enough of the massive learning curve. 

“Your mum just doesn’t understand, does she?” Carlos asked your son, “how can anyone not just be completely obsessed with you before anything else?” 

The bright eyes of your son stared up at Carlos, completely unaware of what he was saying. Carlos didn’t seem to mind too much, just getting your son familiar with the sound of his voice was the most important thing to him, knowing they’d have plenty of time for proper conversations in the future. 

You were sure it was the Spanish in him, but whenever Carlos spoke, your son listened. He was fascinated by Carlos’ voice, those little accents and flair that he had already had your son intrigued by him. 

You could already tell they were going to be quite the double act. 

You didn’t seem to mind though, watching Carlos in awe. He’d made no secret of the fact that he wanted to start a family, but even he couldn’t prepare himself for how incredible it would be. Above all else, he couldn’t quite believe just how lucky he got to have the two of you. 

“What do you do to me?” Carlos asked, standing your son up against his thighs. “You don’t even feel guilty for making me an emotional wreck, do you?” 

As he studied your son, Carlos could see himself in him perfectly, he had his eyes, without a shadow of a doubt, knowing he was going to a heartbreaker with those piercing orbs when he was a little bit older. 

Carlos couldn’t wait to teach him so much more about life, all the things his dad taught him, and although he wouldn’t admit it to you, he definitely couldn’t wait to show him all about race cars in the future too. 

He wasn’t quite sure how long the two of them were sat in the nursery for, disturbed by the door opening and you peering through, smiling softly at the scene that you saw unfolding in front of you. 

It was only as you walked in you noticed how Carlos’ bottom lip was stuck out, his eyes slightly bigger than usual, two habits of his you always recognised a sign for when he was feeling a little bit emotional. 

“What’s he done to you?” You laughed, taking a seat beside Carlos. 

Carlos’ head shook as he laid your son back down in his hold, using his now free hand to quickly wipe underneath his eyes and get rid of any tears that might’ve been threatening to spill for him before reaching across and taking a hold of your hand. 

You weren’t letting Carlos get away with things that easily though as you continued to stare at him, silently pushing him to open up to you and let you know what had suddenly got him feeling a little bit teary eyed. 

“Don’t,” Carlos chuckled, feeling you watching over him. “You’re going to laugh at me if I tell you what it is that I’ve been thinking about.” 

“You won’t know unless you tell me?” 

“It’s silly,” Carlos told you, but still you sat in anticipation. “I was just thinking about how amazing life is right now, with you, and of course this one.” 

“That’s not silly in the slightest,” you smiled, shuffling closer towards Carlos. “I think that’s a pretty natural thing to think and feel considering what we’ve just been through.” 

“I never expected life to be this good,” Carlos admitted, finding himself getting a little bit flustered once again. 

Carlos’ feelings were only matched by you, it was an overwhelming experience to say the least. The most amazing thing for you was watching Carlos as a dad, you knew that he was going to be good, but even Carlos surprised you with just how good he was. 

“I’m so proud to say that this is our team,” Carlos smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “It feels like we’re pretty untouchable when it’s the three of us together.” 

Your head nodded in agreement with him, “we always said having a baby would be what completes us, and I think we were absolutely right.” 

“There’s always room for one more,” Carlos replied, watching as your eyes went wide, quickly shaking your head to swat away any ideas that Carlos had. 

You’d only just had one, let alone start thinking about another. Maybe one day you could have those conversations with Carlos again, but for now you, and your body, were more than happy just making the most of having one baby safely with you both. 

“It makes me sad to know that he’s going to grow up,” Carlos spoke, changing the subject. “I wish he could stay this small and adorable forever.” 

Already the two of you were noticing changes, before your very eyes it already felt like your son was growing up at a rapid rate, and he’d only been with you for a couple of weeks. 

“He’s always going to be adorable,” you laughed, “he’s got our genes after all.” 

“That’s true,” Carlos chuckled, his eyes flickering between the two of you. “He’s going to get all the ladies when he’s older, I can already see it.” 

You dreaded to think how you would cope in the future, watching your son grow up, the terrible twos, the tantrums, and the teenage years too. But for now you were both on cloud nine, hoping that you could stay in your bubble for as long as you possibly could. 

“So, life is good then?” You jokingly asked Carlos. 

“Yeah, life is pretty good!” 

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[twirlyleafs]

“Reckless.”

Charles Leclerc x driver! Reader

TW: mention of death, fighting

~~~~

“What the hell was that?”

Charles’ angry voice cut through the hum of your garage like a whip, startling you enough to make you spin around to face him. You hadn’t expected him to be here this fast, you’d barely gotten out of the car, but then again maybe you should have. You knew he’d be angry considering the intense qualifying session where you’d wrung every last bit out of your car—and yourself. In those final two laps, you’d driven with reckless precision, pressing Alonso so hard in the corners that he’d had to back off to not risk contact. It wasn’t exactly clean racing, but it had earned you a spot on the second row. Fourth on the grid, your best start all season. The best you would probably be able to get out of your car. But as satisfying as it was, you knew that Charles would have something to say about it.

“Keep your voice down, Charles.” You muttered while unzipping the top half of your suit, hoping you could brush this off before it turned into a scene. Charles wasn’t having it. Out of the corner of your eye you could see him, jaw clenched, his hands slicing through the air as he spoke, disbelief radiating off him.

“Keep my voice—are you serious? What’s your problem? That overtake was reckless. Fernando was barely an inch away from accidentally sending you flying into the wall!”

“Calm down.” You shot him a look as you brushed past him, hoping he’d drop it if you just kept walking. But Charles scoffed, immediately following you, his tone hard and unforgiving.

“Don’t tell me to calm down! I was right behind you! I saw the way you went in—God, you’re just lucky it was Alonso and not one of the rookies. That could’ve been a disaster.” Charles was relentless, his words chasing you all the way to your driver’s room. Your fists were clenched, nails digging into your palms as you worked to keep your own frustration under control. You knew his worry came from a place of love, but right now, it felt like he was questioning you as a driver, as if he didn’t trust you to know what you were doing. And that stung more than you cared to admit. Once the door shut behind you both, his words softened, though they still held an edge. “What were you thinking out there?”

You let out a heavy breath, finally turning to meet his gaze. “I was thinking about getting a decent starting position. I wanted-“

“You don’t risk everything for a good position!” he interrupted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Have you talked to Fernando? He’s probably fuming! If that had been me in his shoes, I would’ve lost it—”

“Good thing it wasn’t you, then.” You snapped, turning your back on him as you began unzipping the rest of your suit. It felt safer to face the wall, where he couldn’t see the raw mix of emotions that tightened your throat and threatened to spill over. “You don’t get it, Charles. You have a team, a car, a contract. You have a future. A name. I’m fighting for scraps, like every shot is the last one I’ll get.”

He fell silent and for a moment you thought he might back down, let you have this small victory. But his voice cut through the quiet, low and sharp. “Maybe I don’t get it. But I do get that you’re pushing yourself too far. And one day it won’t just be a scare. You’ll get hurt.”

“Yeah, well, I can handle myself.” You retorted as you turned to face him, your gaze defiant. “I knew what I was doing with Alonso. I wouldn’t have tried it with one of the rookies, I knew they couldn’t handle that.”

“Can you?” His eyes held a look you rarely saw, a mixture of frustration, fear, and maybe even doubt. “Can you handle it, Y/N? Because from where I’m standing, that looked less like confidence and more like…like desperation.” His words hit you like a slap, hurting more than you wanted to admit. Was it desperation? Maybe there was some truth in that, but you weren’t about to let him see you flinch. Not when he didn’t understand what it was like to constantly have to prove yourself, to feel every race could be your last if you didn’t show results.

“Are you calling me a bad driver Charles?” You asked, the challenge clear in your tone. He ran a hand over his face, sighing in exasperation.

“I’m calling you reckless. Stupid, even. You could be amazing, I know you’re amazing, but you keep pulling moves like this and I’m just scared it’s going to end in disaster.”

You swallowed, ignoring the sting of his words. “I can’t afford to play it safe, Charles. You wouldn’t get it, you don’t have to get it. You’re in a car that could win a championship. I’m just trying to prove I belong here.” For a moment, he looked as if he was about to argue, his eyes narrowing with the usual stubbornness you knew too well. But instead, he just shook his head, stepping back, disappointment flickering in his gaze. He lingered for a moment, his gaze softened, as if he wanted to reach out but held himself back. Then he turned, leaving the room as quickly as he’d entered, his words hanging in the air, heavy and unshakable. You stood alone, the silence pressing down on you, and no matter how much you wanted to brush it off his words kept echoing in your mind.

The hours dragged on, the buzz of qualifying still lingering as you were pulled from one interview to the next. You smiled for the cameras, deflected the sharpest questions, and managed to shrug off any mention of that heated moment with Alonso. But under the surface, your mind churned with the memory of your earlier fight with Charles. His words still echoed in your head, gnawing at you in a way you couldn’t shake. Reckless. Desperate. You’d been called a lot of things, but hearing it from him hurt like hell. It was late when you finally reached the hotel, the quiet of the lobby a stark contrast to the noisy paddock. The tension in your shoulders was nearly unbearable as you made your way up to your room, the thought of sleep the only thing keeping you moving forward. When you unlocked the door and stepped inside Charles was there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his gaze flicking up from his phone when you entered. He looked worn, the earlier fire in his eyes now replaced with something gentler, but equally intense. You felt your heart skip, torn between relief and irritation as the weight of your argument settled heavily in the air between you.

“Hey,” he said quietly, watching you as you set down your things.

“Hey.” You shrugged off your jacket, avoiding his gaze, the room feeling too small, too charged. Silence hung thickly for a moment before he spoke again.

“I’m sorry,” he began, a slight hesitance in his voice. “For showing up like that. I shouldn’t have come into your garage and… yelled at you. That was out of line.”

You nodded, acknowledging his apology but not yet ready to let go of the frustration simmering beneath your skin. Slowly making your way across the room you stopped by the dresser to remove your jewelry, plopping your watch and bracelet down on the cold surface before turning around to look at him again. “You still think I’m reckless? Stupid?” Your voice was calm, even as your heart pounded in your chest. Charles looked down, rubbing his hands together as he seemed to weigh his words.

“Yes. I do. I think you’re incredible out there, but sometimes…” He paused, looking up at you, his eyes soft yet resolute. “Sometimes it scares me. Seeing you push so hard, knowing one wrong move could just, you know, just end everything.”

You sighed, crossing your arms as you leaned back against the dresser. “Charles, I’m fighting for my career. Every weekend, every race—it’s not just about points or a title chance. It’s about proving that I belong here, that I’m not just some driver filling space at the back of the grid.” You hesitated, struggling to put into words what you’d felt for so long. “I don’t have the luxury of playing it safe.”

“And you think I don’t get that?” His voice rose, a hint of frustration slipping back in. “I know what it’s like to fight, to have to prove myself. You think Ferrari didn’t make me feel like I had to earn my place every damn time I got in that car?”

You scoffed, feeling a flicker of bitterness as you met his gaze. “It’s different, Charles. You still always had the team behind you. A car that can get you to the podium on strategy alone. I don’t have that. I have to be better. I have to take risks.”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t fight.” His voice was softer now. “But not at the cost of your safety. There’s a difference between fighting and driving like there’s nothing left to lose.”

You felt a flash of anger, his words hitting a raw nerve. “Maybe I don’t see a difference because I don’t have anything to lose, Charles. I’m already at the back. Already being picked apart by the media trying to prove women don’t belong here. That I don’t belong here. A good result like this might be the only thing keeping me on the grid next season.” Your voice wavered as you continued, the weight of your own words settling heavy on your chest. “Maybe I can’t afford to think about what I have to lose.” At that Charles expression softened, his eyes searching your face.

“And what about me? What if I lose you? Maybe you don’t see it that way, but to me you are the most important thing in this equation.” His words struck you like a blow and for the first time you felt the edges of your anger soften, giving way to something deeper and more vulnerable. You let out a breath, your gaze dropping to the floor as the truth of it all began to settle between you. You swallowed, feeling the prick of tears in your eyes but refusing to let them fall.

“You have to let me fight. Even if it scares you. Because I can’t be the driver I need to be if I’m holding back just to make everyone else feel safe.” Even with your eyes trained on the floor you noted Charles getting up, moving across the room towards you. The ache in your chest reached its peak when his hands carefully found your arms, slowly stroking down them until he could grip your hands in his. He sighed, his thumb rubbing gently over your knuckles.

“I don’t want you to hold back. I’d never ask that of you, I just-“ he paused and you slowly lifted your gaze to meet his. “I just want you to be careful. To remember that you can get to where you wanna be without dying on the way. Baby I want you to have everything, I think you deserve everything and I’m here for you, as long as you don’t disappear on me.” The last of your frustration melted away as you let out a shaky breath, leaning into his embrace. The second Charles noticed you moving closer he dropped your hands, wrapping his arms around you instead. Tucking your head against the crook of his neck you let out a deep sigh, nodding slowly.

“I get it. I get what you’re saying. It’s just hard to think like that when I’m out there, seeing my chances slip away.”

“I know.”

“But I’ll try.” You whispered, the words more of a promise to yourself than to him. “I’ll try to be careful. But I need you to understand that sometimes, this is just how it has to be. It’s the only way I know.” You felt Charles nod, his lips pressing soft, reassuring kisses against the top of your head. You shuffled closer, letting your arms wrap around his torso as his tightened around your frame, grounding you in the warmth and steadiness of his embrace. “You won’t lose me.” You murmured against his shoulder, the words both a promise and a hope. Charles held you close, his lips pressing gently to your temple as you both stood in the quiet of the room, letting the tension and hurt melt away. And for a while, neither of you said anything more, content just to hold each other, finding a fragile peace in the shared silence. Tomorrow, you’d be back on the track, fighting just as hard. But tonight, you were simply here, together.

[wannabanauthor]

I have a BuckTommy idea/prompt:

Tin foil hat time

What if Chimney was trying to get Buck to date again so he could tell Tommy and get Tommy to realize what he’s lost?

So Chimney sets Buck on a blind date with a super hot gay guy, but it’s all apart of his plan. He knows Tommy well enough to know what restaurants he frequents and what nights.

But before Buck arrives, the guy finds Tommy sitting at the bar in the restaurant and starts flirting with him. Maybe the guy even mentions that he has a hot date in a few minutes with this bisexual guy.

Once Buck shows up, the date gets up and greets him, and makes sure Buck doesn’t notice Tommy.

Tommy, however, sees the whole thing, and panics because he didn’t expect Buck to start dating again so soon, and Buck’s date is an asshole for flirting with Tommy before Buck showed up.

So Tommy is stuck between letting the date happen and probably progressing, or he can be honest with Buck that his date was flirting with him until Buck arrived.

Tommy calls Chimney in a panic, and Chimney tells him “you should definitely let Buck know that his date is a flirt”.

Tommy is torn on what to do, but Chimney gives him that final push. Instead of confronting them, Tommy texts Buck “your date was flirting with me before you showed up”.

Buck gets the text is excited to see it’s from Tommy, but then he reads it and goes bright red.

Meanwhile his date asks “is something wrong?”

Buck says “Yeah, you were flirting with my ex-boyfriend before I showed up.” He looks around for Tommy and sees him leaving out the front door.

Buck ends the date and follows Tommy outside to confront him.

He’s nervous but is happy to see Tommy again, but he’s also a brat and gets snarky with Tommy and calls him a coward for leaving him twice.

They start arguing about their breakup, and Buck says “I’m in love with you, asshole, that’s why I asked you to move in. I wanted a future with you. It you didn’t want one with me.”

Tommy is stunned and starts to cry, but Buck is not having it.

He starts asking “Why am I not good enough to fight for? Why did you leave me? You wanted to protect your heart, but you destroyed mine.”

Tommy says, “I’ve been through this enough times to know when it’s time to go. You’re still new to things. It wouldn’t have worked out between us.”

Buck says, “I’m not those other guys! I’m me, and you keep dismissing my feelings as if I haven’t been in a relationship before. Just because you’re my first boyfriend doesn’t mean my past relationships don’t count toward dating experience. Do you not love me, is that what it is? I’d rather you tell me the truth so I can move on.”

Tommy whispers, “I’m in love with you too, and I’m scared you’re going to leave me. I’m sorry, I should have been honest with you from the start or even before we made it to six months. I just wanted to enjoy myself for once and not think about the future , but I fell in love with you so hard and unexpectedly that I didn’t know what to do.”

“Do I need to propose or something to convince you that I’m serious? Hell, should we drive to Vegas to get married to prove to you that I’m in this for the rest of my life? What do I need to do to prove to you that you’re my last?” Buck asks, crying now too.

That of course spooks Tommy again, but Buck isn’t allowing him to leave this time.

“Tell me, please,” Bucks says between sobs.

Tommy kisses him. He lets his hand wander through Buck’s curls, and pulls away when he needs oxygen.

“I love you so much, it hurts,” Tommy says.

“Then stay. Talk to me. Let’s try counseling or something. There has to be a better way than just ending things,” Buck suggests and Tommy nods.

Buck has a huge grin even with the tears. He kisses Tommy, and they just hold onto each other while crying.

Chimney gets a text the next day from Tommy, “you’re a dick, but it worked”.

End scene. What do you think?

[rafesangelita]

໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ season four (part two) let’s talk about it..

episode six:

i hate myself rn because why do i find young luke hot?? absolutely insane. larissa looked so sweet, this is unfair!! and the way jj put a hand to his heart when he was leaving the lighthouse?? SAD. rafe’s biceps look insane. i hope both sarah and rafe get to get in contact with wheezie at some point :( ruthie acting smug the whole time at the court house is making me want to crash out. when jj said “the new figure eight.” YEAH.

episode seven:

i hate groff and luke with a passion. FREE POPE RIGHT NOW!! so sofia knows she messed up but i just can’t see rafe getting past that, like there’s no way. POPE GOING TO THE MARINES?? SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW. i needed that scene with popecleo. groff is so fake i can’t do this rn. like how can you sit there, say all that heartfelt stuff and then lie on jj like that. NO WAY JOHN B MISSED WITH THE MOLOTOV ARE YOU JOKING??? LMAO.

episode eight:

john b is really doing it for me this season.. got me thinking. kie looking at sarah all crazy when she took the joint from john b lolll. john b being so supportive <333. groff calling the cops on jj, i hate himmmm!! and him making jj open that casket was so wrong of him omg. KIARA GETTING KNOCKED OUT HELLO??? POPE RUNNING OUT OF SIGNING MARINE PAPERWORK YESSS. ruthie and kelce pulling up with bats, i’m cringing so bad rn. WHY WOULD SHE PUSH SARAH ON THE GROUND WTF!! GROFF JUST SHOT HOLLIS (why do i feel bad for not liking her now?)

episode nine:

i’m sorry but why would the pogues go out in the open with a police boat?? PLSSS.. RAFE JUST PROPOSED TO SOFIA WITH HIS MOM’S RING I’M GOING CRAZYYY RN. rafe defending the pogues all backhanded is on brand for him i’m afraid.. kie cutting rafe free, okay..

episode ten:

PLSSS rafe yelling in the street like that LMAO. john b and all those apples in his shirt.. rafe having all that money and not even OFFERING to buy sarah something to eat is so crazy 😭. rafe being taller than everyone in the street is doing something to me. GROFF JUST TOLD RAFE ABOUT SOFIA WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?? so rafe literally told her to “pack your shit, get out of my house.” i just knew it wasn’t gonna last 😭 at least we got bf rafe content though, so.. SARAH SAVING RAFE AND SAYING “that’s my brother.” PLEASE RECONCILE I NEED TO SEE IT!! BYEEE THEY HUGGED AND CRIED THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN JJ DIED?? THAT’S LIKE THE WORST THING THE WRITERS COULD’VE DONE, HELLO?????!

[pochiperpe90]

[ENG] Marinelli: “Playing Mussolini? It was painful”

The actor, on stage without pauses in the eight episodes, talks about his experience in the role of the dictator: "I didn't know how things went, I hope that M can be useful to the public".

Luca Marinelli didn't just give Benito Mussolini his face, he gave him his entire soul. Present in practically every scene of the eight episodes of the series "M - The son of the century", coming soon to Sky and streaming on NOW, he climbed through dialogues without time limits and monologues that he gave shape to by looking straight into the camera, an unbelievable work and not just of interpretation: The feeling I had reading Antonio Scurati's book was of having been confronted with my gigantic ignorance. It’s healthy to confront this, never take it for granted that you always have all the answers and simplify life, because this attitude is called populism, and it was invented by Mussolini himself. It’s healthy to know the limits of our knowledge, I honestly didn’t think that things had gone this way and I hope that they push the audience towards the desire to be present to themselves, to make their own interpretations, knowing that they are not alone. “During the shooting he confesses - I would have liked to be launched on some other planet. We talked about our history, which is perhaps the most painful thing and I am very happy with what we did. It happened that in some scenes I got excited with the Duce, which generated a deep sadness in me, but I had to crush something in myself to continue to pump this dark side of evil, a process that for me was very painful. Some scenes struck me particularly, like the ones we shot in Parliament, even there Mussolini did not hide any of his aims, we filmed the speeches he made and for me repeating those words was something really scary”.

To prepare for this difficult job, the actor watched many films from the Istituto Luce “and even in their triumphant aspects I perceived the great violence of fascism, it’s wrong to treat dictators like devils or madmen, because they are people like us and we need to know them”. But it’s precisely the knowledge that is lacking in our country, starting with the education of our school system, about which Marinelli has several doubts. “I’m curious - he says - to see what the public's reaction will be to the arrival of the series. I believe it’s important to start counting on an education ‘alive’ again, but in Italy unfortunately we don’t invest in the school system and we see obvious results. I have not been a great student in my path, but honestly I don’t remember having addressed these issues, perhaps we didn’t even get there with the program and I think it’s dangerous”. After so many months spent wearing the uncomfortable shoes of Mussolini, it was not easy for the actor to get out of a role that was totally immersive. “This series - concludes - left me with the fact of wanting to be present in my present and my past. Only like this can we understand what we are experiencing today as well as going in the direction that is most useful to everyone”.

Cr: CIAK

[doubledeadstudio]

Finally got the courage to ask a question (Happy New Years Eve/ Day whenever you see this) but just a general question

What was the creative process of making Reanimated Heart, Another Rose in his Garden and Pygmalion’s Folly? What was the inspiration behind those three games? What was your favorite one to work on? Do you plan to make new games in the future?

Happy New Year to you too, anon! I love questions like these. The development and creative process is something I'm very passionate about.

Creative Process? Inspiration? (Just shoving both of this in one, long discussion about how these things came to be)

Okay, you guys will probably think I'm an insane person, so let me explain how I got started on them...

I first started with RH (of course) when my friend Tay told me about this game she was playing where a character really resembled Crux (it was Markus from Red Embrace: Hollywood). And I played it because of that, and I was like, damn??? He really does? And I was on the path of my artist journey that I was like looking at the game assets and the dialogue and stuff where I was like... Wait, I can do that. I can write like this. I can draw everything. Who's stopping me? I had a dream with the tree, and I started writing dialogue in "hypothetical" VN scenarios, and I was like... okay, fuck it, I already got disowned by my family and I wanna kill myself, I've got nothing left to lose.

So I started pre-development for Reanimated Heart and wrote like about 20,000+ words, made sprites and backgrounds, spent an ungodly amount of money for music and fonts and did research, and released the Prologue on itch. It ended up kind of a flop? And I was honestly so mad for years LMFAO, but I kept at it because I liked making it. And then a fan, Ashe, contacted me out of nowhere and suggested I improve my socials. (Thanks Ashe.)

All in all, I think that, if RH never gathered attention... I would still be making it, but releases would've been shorter and weirder, and it wouldn't have the level of polish it does now because "nobody's playing this shit anyway." But having a fandom motivates me to push past my comfort, and inspires me to do releases semi-regularly. So, thank you guys for the support. :>

Anyway, enough RH rambling. Another Rose happened because a couple of members in the chat (I remember Maz and Chat in particular) kept joking about Omegaverse and I've never like... consumed any Omegaverse before, and I literally had no fucking clue what it was other than mpreg and werewolves. And I was like drinking that day and I got intrigued. And I kept thinking about the scenarios and became like ACTUALLY invested, but I didn't know anything about it still, so I kept asking Maz about it and she really helped hash out the "lore" and gave me really good scene suggestions. I honestly think Another Rose is the most indulgent of all my games because...

First of all, it's just straight porn. Second, aside from the quality of the work, I don't think about the audience, at all. There's only a price point to it but it's basically like a smut novel with some path deviations (that also just read to different porn)? Third, I'm like... I'm not going to lie, obsessed with my husband's OC Mars. And it's funny af to me how people ended up disliking him, because this whole game was like just my personal (smutty) love letter to how much I love that godawful man.

For Pygmalion's Folly... There had been long discussions in my server about murdersims. I'll be honest, I didn't get them at first, but I think Adri framed it in a way that I understood it, which was like... it was a morbid fascination to how bad things can get in situations like that. So I ended up playing the first BTDs and obsessively finished TPOF to the point I was having dreams about it, and I'm not going to lie, I had a dream! Again!! And it was Florentin killing the MC over and over. I woke up in a haze and wrote like the first 3000 words of the game in a frenzy with just 2 hours of sleep, and I was like, okay. This is getting made for sure. And because Adri was the avid murdersim fan, I consulted with them about the game, and they were the one that suggested the stats system, as well as some scenarios for endings.

So I guess tl;dr I cannot explain how I make games to you guys because they just kind of form when I'm drunk or get prophetic dreams.

Favorite to Work On?

Honestly, I loved working on all of them equally, believe it or not. (I equally also hate all of them when I'm crunching for the release. /jk)

The thing about these characters is that they're all OCs that are near and dear to my heart, ones that I've had for YEARS (I've had Vin for 12 years, can you imagine that?), and seeing all of them in action excites me so much.

I love that I got to make Abel the protag and I love that I got to put him in fun, sexual situations. I love that I managed to show off Florentin's special powers, and draw amazing grisly CGs with him. I love that Black, Vin and Crux are different, romanceable characters, that you can go to their houses, that you can see CGs with them, that you can follow their character development and be invested in their secrets, that they even have awesome voice actors that bring them to life!

And I love that so many of you also love them too, and write fic of them and draw them... Honestly, that's already my dream, and I'm so happy about it.

New Games in the Future?

Absolutely, yes! I got the VN dev bug and you guys will have to chase me out of here, LMAO.

But this year, considering how busy I'd be... I'd say probably not in case something really pushes me to make something (like, I had an idea I can't stop thinking about). My top priority right now is Reanimated Heart's Chapter 1 finale, and I have some free DLC I'm thinking of adding for Another Rose and Pygmalion's Folly, so those will probably get prioritized first.

[nadiajustbe]

One of the most important problems with Miyazaki's film is not even the absence of Wales, the absence of about a dozen characters, or the rather fatfobic way the Witch of the Waste is animated, but the way Sophie's character is written. More specifically, her coping mechanisms and the way she sees and interacts with the world. Because if you remove those little details from Sophie Hatter's story, she just stops being, well, Sophie Hatter.

One of the most telling moments of this change for me is probably the scene of Sophie's reaction to Howl's tantrum in the movie. More specifically, she starts a whole monologue about how she never thought she was beautiful. And she cries.

And don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with crying as a way of releasing emotions. I am a very tearful person myself. But this is just NOT what Sophie Hatter would do.

Her reaction to certain events has a lot to do with her lifestyle and her past. Being the oldest child in a family that went through a lot of changes in a short period of time, she was a child with a certain burden of conformity on her shoulders. It's not uncommon for older children in a family to hold a certain role, a certain burden, simply because they have someone to look out for. (Megan, by the way, probably has this same problem, but more on that later. I can't deal with the character who has two lines right now). In such a role, one usually has to push one's own emotions aside in order to deal with the emotions of the younger children who need to be calmed. Fanny herself said that Sophie was great at helping her sisters when they were having tantrums, and Sophie recalled how she looked after them. It's not a maternal role, that word would be too strong, but it's definitely a role of a responsible adult.

That is why her first reaction to Howl's tantrum is to calm him down. Exploiting the problem, exploring it, telling him he's just acting out, and immediately starting to clean up the mess right after the tantrum: these are all things she learned the hard way. BUT not to cry. Because crying would be pointless here.

There's even a moments when she wants to cry but doesn't do it. Because she's in the middle of dialogue with Martha, because she wants her to believe everything is good and because that's not the actual way her true self, not the tired girl Fanny was making, is expressing her emotions.

Digging further into this hole, instead of crying, Sophie's most common reaction to a stimulus is usually anger. Harsh responses to customers in the store, constant negotiations with Howl, cutting up his suits. assertiveness, and frequent impulsiveness. Those parts of her character that she had to keep inside for so long because of her role as the "oldest" and finally, having gained freedom because of her "old age", she was able to show. She's obviously not always angry, no, she can be pretty nice and calm, but it doesn't means she can't be angry, serious or mischievous in her own way If she wants to.

If I had suddenly realized that I had fallen in love with the worst wizard in the world at the worst possible time, I would have burst into tears. But Sophie? Sophie chooses to burn half the garden with a bucket of weed killer and then throw the same weed killer at the same man.

And most importantly: NO ONE, absolutely no one, blames her for it. No one tells her to shut up, stops her from throwing the herbicide, or condemns her. On the contrary, Howl instantly starts a habitual quarrel and says something about the color of the curtains. Just because that's how she expresses herself. There is nothing wrong with crying, yes, but there is nothing wrong with being angry either.

And don't get me started on how a complex, interesting line about seeing ourselves and how the future we envision for ourselves can hold us back is turned into a simple story about a "beauty complex." Sophie Hatter's problem was never that she wasn't beautiful. Her problem was always how she saw herself and her destiny, feeling trapped in a framework that she could so easily break. Not related to her appearance, but to her destiny, her life path, her disbelief that something interesting could happen to her, that she could become someone IMPORTANT. And she breaks this belief herself. Yes, Howl's words are the final point of the end of her idea, but she doesn't need a classic romantic man to tell her that "she is beautiful". She already knows it. She is proving to herself first and foremost that she is capable of better things, even when she doesn't fully recognize it.

And by simply making her cry, you remove in one fell swoop the aspects of her character that built it.

[armandisdaddy]

Femmé Fatale-Modern Au!Chp.2

[Pairing: Aemond Targaryen (Married Businessman) x Fem Reader ( Secretary) ]

[Content/Warnings:!!18 PLUS!!, Lust, Tension, Adultery, Toxic, Domestic Violence,p in v penetration, Biting, Hair pulling, oral masc receiving,Violence, Obsessive, Stalking, Mentions of infertility and Swearing. Arguments and talk of mental health.]

Working with Y/N was nothing short of the word intense. Aemond hadn’t touched her for the past few weeks feeling remorse and guilt for what he had did to Alys and getting away with it only made his conscious make the decision to stop it all together. Y/N on the other hand was beginning to get a bit frustrated it would’ve been different if he sucked at fucking her and then his rejection would not matter. But he broke something within her that night maybe it was her sense of reality or decision making; either way she was losing her mind. How could he ignore her? It was obvious they had more chemistry than the both of them originally anticipated and somehow he was ignoring she even existed unless he needed her however.

She decided to waltz into his office locking the door behind before speaking in a hushed but irritated tone. “I’m trying not to cause a scene in here. Is there any reason why you get to fuck me only a few weeks ago and now you’re treating me like a pile of shit or like I’m the plague. Aemond stared at the paper he was working on not even daring to look up he knew those piercing eyes and plump lips would get him every time. “We cannot continue with this affair, Ms. Y/N. I admit I took things too far with you and I apologize for that. If you have any grievances I will compensate you on any way that you see fit. But, I love my wife…as difficult as things have been I love her and she needs me. I cannot betray her again.” He wouldn’t even look at her and listening to this shit falling out his mouth enraged her even more.

“You’re being fucking serious!? You didn’t seem to love her with you face between my legs…or when you fucked me sensless in the back of my car! You love her!?” It was a good thing his office was sound proof . “You’re pathetic…I know you still think about it. I can tell you still want me just like I want you. I’ve been thinking about touching myself to the thought of you inside me again.” She pulled the papers away from him and slid onto the desk sitting directly in front of him. The heels of her shoes digging into his thighs. Painfully so but he liked it. He could smell her perfume and groaned softly as the thoughts of that night flipped through his mind. She lifted his face up by his chin and he melted into her hand once he saw that face. “I can’t…” it almost sound painful for him to say, but his hands found their way to her thighs slowly pushing underneath her skirt.

She smiled slowly unbuttoning her top and he stopped her not wanting her to get completely undressed. “I don’t want to fuck right now…we don’t have time.” Her pulled her closer pushing her back against the desk pulling one of her heels off her pulled one leg from her stocking. Exposing her pussy that shined once the light hit the glint of her slick. “You’re horny from this little argument…me too..” he moaned kissing her inner thigh smelling the scent of her pussy. It was intoxicating. She whimpered feeling the soft kisses move closer to her folds. He lapped at her pussy hungrily sucking on her mound ravenously. Fuck he missed the taste of her. She moaned under her breath trying not to alert anyone of what they were doing. He was beginning not to care anymore. Everyone knew his marriage with his wife was strained and they could see he was miserable regardless of how he tried to hide it.

“Aemond please…fuck me I want it.” She begged and even though he was pushing it he could not refuse such a request. He pressed the button to talk to Grace. “Yes, Mr. Targaryen?” He put his finger over his lips to alert her to be quiet. “Grace I’m taking an hour lunch in my office. I’m not accepting any appointments or meetings at this time.” Grace responded and now that that was handled it was back to making Ms. Y/N a mess. “So you said you want me to fuck you, yes?” She nodded while she watched him pull his cock from his pants slowly stroking it while he stared at her in front of him. “Come here and let me see that pretty little mouth of yours.” He sat down in his chair and let her climb underneath the table between his legs. She grabbed onto his thick length and began stroking it before she placed soft kisses along the shaft. Taking him into her mouth and quickly into her throat his hand cupped her face while she looked up at him. “I missed that beautiful face…” she felt warm inside and her pussy was beginning to throb. He held onto her hair bucking up into her mouth occasionally. She was covering his cock in saliva making a mess and he loved every minute of it. He pulled her up and bent her over the table smacking her pussy harshly before he stood behind her.

“How am I to pay any attention to my work with such a naughty secretary, Hm? You’re going to have to let me get some work done, pet.” He held onto her hips letting his already spit lubricated cock ease into her tight walls. He hissed softly and she whimpered feeling that familiar stretch. That’s exactly what she wanted. “If I give you what you want will you behave, Princess.” She nodded comp-licitly. “That’s a good fucking girl.” His pelvis crashing into her ass caused a rhythmic clapping sound to fill the room and it was such a glorious sound. He pulled her up putting a deep arch in her back as he pulled her arms back picking up the speed. Her legs shook uncontrollably and she could help but scream his name over and over. “It’s okay no one can hear you keep telling me how good I fuck you baby.” She creamed all over his cock and without warning he spilled his seed inside of her. He pulled out looking at her stuffed hole it was beautiful. He turned her to face him and he pulled her in for a kiss. His heart was skipping a beat was he falling for her. No he couldn’t be not with how this started. But he was unfortunately and it was going to be the beginning of his ruin. She was become more attached in love herself. Only 30 minutes had passed and he decided he wanted to go another round before his lunch was over.

Later in the day the office was closing he had let Y/N know he had to go home. He had a business trip coming up and he would be happy if she joined him. She obliged happily and they kissed once he walked her to her car. Arriving home his nose was hit with the smell of food cooking and he was greeted by his wife with a glass of wine. She was wearing a wine colored dress and her hair was curled and placed just right. He hadn’t seen her like this in years what the fuck was going on? “Hello my love.” Her tone was sweet and inviting and if he hadn’t just drained his balls a few hours before into his secretary he would’ve took the invitation. But as soon as he was enticed he was angry… “You haven’t so much as looked at me in two years and now you’re doing what? Making an attempt to save our marriage?” She was taken aback by his reaction she knew things between them had been strained but she didn’t realize how dire the situation was.

“Aemond I was just trying to have a good night…I know I have been present as of lately…” He cut her off and laughed. “Present you have been totally nonexistent…” He shifted slightly and she smelled an unfamiliar scent lingering on him and something clicked in her head. “Who the fuck is she? Why do you smell like another woman’s perfume, Aemond?” He thought of what had just transpired before he got home and he smiled to himself turning back to look at her and the gaslighting began. “Even if I was cheating on you…could you blame me? I mean we barely speak to each other. I haven’t held you in 3 years..Alys!!! Three fucking heart wrenching years…of you acting like I don’t exist and I’ve been patient with you. Lying to the world about us going to therapy sessions, trying to talk to you so you can heal. I’m not even worried about the sex I just wanted us to start taking the steps to getting you back. And now when it seems that I could give to fucks about this marriage you want to pull this shit?”

He was right, but she knew something else was going on. She was growing tired of his woe is me tale and threw the half full wine bottle at him screaming to the top of her lungs as his crashed into the table behind him. The glass broke and the tint of red was every where. “Do you think I wanted to be depressed for 3 years? I know I wasn’t doing my best but do you understand how it feels to be told we will never have kids…I can never give you that and I know more than anything you wanted children..I feel less than a woman.” He cut her off again downing that glass of wine. “No you’re wrong remember I told you more than anything I wanted you…I needed you to be alive with me kids or no kids you were my everything. Now I see no reason for this…I have a business trip planned in the next few days. I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”

He went upstairs took a shower and went to bed thinking about the next 7 days with Y/N. While Alys was crying in the kitchen losing her mind. See since she had lost their child she wasn’t really sane. Her therapist due to patient confidentiality she wasn’t allowed to explain the extent of her mental state she just prescribed her with the proper medication and it seemed like she was still depressed, but the psychosis she was experiencing was beginning to spiral out of control. Aemond had felt some remorse, from his actions tonight but his pride wouldn’t let him apologize he’d already gone too far with Y/N with their argument tonight. At this rate he was thinking of divorce it would be best for everyone in this situation . Even if Y/N and him didn’t last at least he’d be free.

To be continued…

Taglist- @dc-marvel-girl96 @namelesslosers @kckt88

[ohtheewhorer]

Kinktober Day 6: Mutual Masturbation

Perv!70s!Dale Ferdinand “Longlegs��� Kobble x Roommate!Mean!Reader

Summary: You catch Dale masturbating and I guess you’ll join or whatever.

Warnings: 18+ smut, m & f masturbation, cum eating, dirty talk, mommy kink

* i do not own image above

Dale clasps a hand over his mouth as his free hand works over his cock. He couldn’t risk being too loud or you’d be very mad. Your rule is that there will be no noise of any kind by 8 pm unless someone’s dying. In other words, you do not appreciate being disrupted from your sleep so Dale’s late night jam sessions were a thing of the past.

He both feared and admired you, finding himself abiding by any rule you’ve probably made up on the spot simply because you were annoyed with him one day. The dark father seems to like the wicked energy you radiate as well, encouraging interactions of which would make you punish Dale.

Like the time the Dark Father told Dale to steal one of your eyeshadow palettes and you retorted by making Dale piss his pants in front of you.

But Dale couldn’t deny that he gets all hot and bothered with any attention you provide him. Most of the time you’re quite dismissive and short with him and he’s fine with this but when you spew mean words at him—oh, it gets him going.

So it’s no surprise that after you’d told him off for leaving the toilet seat up that he found himself rushing to his bedroom to stick his hands down his pants. He doesn’t pleasure himself often, if any at all but when he does it’s hard to control his volume with how sensitive he is.

He whines a little louder this time, heart racing when he hears it bounce around the thin walls. There was no doubt that you heard it. You’d come in at any second now to berate him. He’s sure of it. Realizing that there’s no point in silencing himself, he indulges stroking himself harder and pulling sounds from his own mouth.

You bang on his door but his moans are so loud they swallow the sound so you have no choice but to enter and lay eyes on the eye-boggling scene before you.

“Oh my god, Dale! Seriously?” You yell, throwing your hand over your eyes.

“I’m sorry, little angel. I couldn’t help myself.” He whines, still working his fat cock.

God, why was it so big? Well, you know exactly why. Just look at the size of him entirely, you’re so tiny in comparison. Your thigh clench together at the thought. Oh, and those perfect, large hands of his…mmm. Maybe you can yell at him another time.

You move your hand away from your eyes watching him in the throes of passion; eyes rolling back and his filler pink lips parted to let out wheezy gasps.

You find yourself, caressing your hands down your body and biting your lips. The throbbing need between your legs more prominent than ever before.

“I’m only going to touch myself because I need the relief, not because I’m liking what I see here.” You get on your knees onto the mattress on the ground, pushing your hand under your skirt and pushing your underwear to the side. You gather the slick that pooled heavily in the gusset of your lace panties, bringing it to your clit and rubbing circles in tandem to Dale’s pumping.

Your moans and groans blend into one like a beautiful symphony. The closer you got the sloppier you got with your play, grinding down on your hand and panting as you imagine that it’s his beautiful porcelain-like face between your legs.

“You’re so beautiful,” Dale rasps. “I want you to be my pretty little doll to play with.”

“I’d rather you be my doll,” You counter. “I’d make you wear pretty dresses for me and fuck you silly in them. Let you call me mommy.” You plunge a finger inside yourself, working yourself up with your own words. Now you definitely need to let that happen sometime. “Dale, m’gonna cum.”

“Oh, fuck!” Dale cries out spilling in his hands and little belly. His orgasm, a mix contribution of you igniting his need to be your doll and the way you sobbed his name. He’s spurting thick hot ropes that shoot a great distance onto his mattress from how hard he comes.

You’re not far behind, falling forward to where your right cheek rests against his bed as you rode your hand and gutturally moan. Your juices gush onto your fingers, giving you added lubrication as you continue to thrust.

When you’ve both calm, you take the initiative to stick your honeyed fingers passed his full lips and he immediately accepts them, swirling his tongue carefully around each finger.

You pet his head adoringly, making him choke on your fingers a little. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty because the next time you wake me up from my sleep, I’m going to make sure you cum for me until you’re dry.”

[randomnameless]

Do you think Edelgard perceives herself as a victim? I’ve been thinking and I can’t decide myself, on one hand she clearly hates the idea of people being victims or helpless, and constantly reframes the victims of the war as “necessary sacrifices” instead of, y’know, tragic causalities of a war she started. She plays up her sad backstory to try to get Byleth to join with her in WC, but then she does all these things to concentrate as much power as possible on herself. On the other (other) hand, she pushes the culpability of the war on everyone except herself, and has trouble taking accountability. She’s obsessed with controlling everything but she doesn’t want to be blamed for the problems she’s created. What do you think?

Oh!

(sorry for replying one literal month later lol)

I find Supreme Leader hard to write because of this, but in a way, I believe that yes, she does.

However, for all the flak Faerghus gets for "ToXiC mAsCuLiNiTy" and "Chivalry BaD", there's something very toxic with the way some Adrestian victims (often women... blame the writers I guess?) deal with their abuse.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time on Doro because I already typed a lot about her, but while she still sees herself as a victim from what she endured and suffered in her childhood, she adopted the toxic mindset of "this suffering is a thing of the past and I grew from that/beyond that to become the person I am now" - which we can also see in Manu who suffered from, roughly, the same traumas.

Petra also follows this pattern, being a hostage and treated like shit, but she grow "beyond" her status of a victim to become the strong person she projects and believes she is - it's only out of House that she realises more accutely her status within the Empire, the reality of her situation and, in Houses, refuses vassalage to Adrestia to make her country independent without having to "ask the Emperor".

It's the same pattern : "I was a victim" but "I became strong" so "I am not a victim anymore, this is something of the past".

Applied to Supreme Leader...

Well, trying to ignore the Agarthans and her dad's own infuence on her character (which is kind of hard, since the games try their hardest to make Agarthans responsible for everything BaD and we're not clear on how much they had an influence on her), I think Supreme Leader believes she was a "victim" of abuse.

But - through further abuse and surviving said abuse - she became strong* enough to "not be a victim anymore".

Which is why her line of "if the weak remain weak it's their fault" feels like it echoes part of her mindset : she was a victim but became strong enough, maybe by hardening her own feelings to become "strong", so she is not the same helpless "victim" she once was.

If she managed to do that, then everyone can do the same.

As for the "necessary sacrifices", since early 2019 someone theorised that "the people" she pretends the fight for as seen as some general "concept", much like the "greater good". So if some people are sacrificed, it's for her ideals - the goal and aim of her newfound strength - , and it piles on her drive, she must realise them otherwise those people would have died (and she would have suffered) for nothing.

However, despite acknowledging her past self as a victim, and because she's now "strong", she's not above using her past trauma (but actually, still present! Remember the rat scene?) to reach her goals, because, at her core, Supreme Leader is soemone who is very determined. Maybe it's her only drive to grow beyond the trauma, or her own illusions, or a mix of everything, but AM made it clear, Supreme Leader is not above, well, using herself if it means seeing her goals come to fruition : unlike Lobotogard from AG, AM!Supreme Leader willingly transforms in Hegemongard.

This is the cost she's willing to pay, so while the memes about Lord Farqaad were on spot, I still think that Supreme Leader is ultimately willing to sacrifice** herself for her goal (but only when there's no other way to ensure her future will come to fruition, and in a way, I guess she thought she would survive the Hegemon transformation, jury's out on what she meant to do in AM's finale, but imo, she still tried, even beaten and battered as she was, to claim Dimi's head).

Ultimately I think everything's a bit muddled by the fact that, as @fantasyinvader pointed out, Supreme Leader is a liar and knows the importance of maintening good PR.

She lies and manipulates the truth to reach her goals (which again, is a red flag when CF claims to want to restore the "distorted history" of Fodlan!) and for all the flak I give them, the devs managed to scrap enough material to give us a peek in Adrestia's mindset (or at least its top nobles), they're not people who self reflect, they are salty because they aren't ruling the world anymore, and they feel like they are better than the rest of Fodlan.

Put everything in the mixer, and you indeed have Supreme Leader (but also her court, especially Ferdie in SB who dares to say, as he is invading and trouncing people who don't really like and accept the idea of being invaded, that the fear those people feel are only in their mind, or something like that? Like, dude, you're rolling over their people and country, of course they'll fear and hate you!) giving her weird rhetoric lines (why are people opposing me if they are going to die?), victim blaming (something Treehouse swallowed like honey, if their lolcalisation is anything to go by, remember, it's Rhea's fault for not offering her head on a platter that is the reason why the War continues in CF!) and so on.

IDK if the devs wanted to bank that much on the Dany parallel with her "if I look back i am lost", but again, I don't know if her drive to make a "better Fodlan" is motivated by her trauma, Adrestian revanchism, Ionius telling her dumb things or Agarthans agarthaning, but her goal and vision are everything to Supreme Leader.

So she will do anythign to see them realised, even if it means sacrificing her people, starting a war, tweaking "the truth" or using her own trauma to motivate and recruit powerful people who might assist her with her goals.

To reply to your question, IMO she sees herself as someone who had once been a victim, but won't let that stop her from reaching her goals, even if it means creating thousands of "hers" in the process, because, in her mind, reaching her goal is more important than anything else.

*I know, she refutes Dimitri's claim that she is "strong" or laughs at it, but imo, it was more in the sense of "I was weak and became strong" so everyone can "become" strong.

**I don't think she wanted to throw away her life, but more something in the lines of "putting my life on the line" or sacrificing her precious (and to see how precious it is, just play CF lol) humanity.

[failureface]

thoughts on "Welcome Home, Franklin"

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

Okay, this special was really great.

I love Franklin. He's a sweet boy who never had a unkind thing to say about Charlie Brown- he was the straight man to the wacky antics of the Peanuts gang. But I never got the feeling he was more than that in the strips. This special serves as the backstory and character that Franklin didn't originally get, but sorely needed.

And this special beautifully and gracefully rights some of the wrongs that past Peanuts media made.

I was surprised this film even went there in terms of discussing racism a little. Peanuts is an IP that you expect people to be overly-protective of. 'No, the scene in "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" isn't racist- and it's NOT weird that all the kids are white' is more of what I expected to hear from this. But refreshingly, this special addresses it. Like, YEAH, there IS a lack of diversity! It feels so much better for that stuff to be acknowledged rather than swept under the rug.

I love the fact that Franklin is unsure of himself and his ability to make friends. This makes him super relatable and sympathetic, and also makes a clear connection to why he gravitates towards Charlie Brown. The two of them bond over their shared feeling of being "the Underdog", and not knowing how to make friends or navigate social landscapes. Franklin also opens up Charlie Brown to new experiences and knowledge, telling him about discrimination and introducing him to music he hasn't heard before. Not only that, but Franklin encourages Charlie Brown to be less anxious and push himself further. And Charlie Brown is a much needed friend and sympathetic ear for Franklin. They have each other's back and their bond is undeniable.

That's what this special is truly trying to get at. That friends of different backgrounds and experiences from us can help us to learn and grow as people. I think that's a really wonderful message and one that we all need at any age, and one that we especially need now.

Overall, this special really blew it out of the water, and I gave it five stars.

Special shoutout if you were able to make it to the premiere stream in the Peanuts discord, that made it twice as fun to watch!

Some miscellaneous thoughts under the cut

Franklin's music taste is so elite

The music picks in this movie are honestly fantastic. The soundtrack really elevates the experience and every song is awesome

THE BEACH SCENE! It's so rewarding as a fan to see moments that are plucked straight from the strip. It feels like the people making them really know Peanuts

All the little tiny schrucy crumbs- I eat it up. I know screenshots and gifs will be made and posted and I will be reblogging them.

Lucy and Franklin's beef- I wasn't expecting it but it's so funny and adds some really great dynamics into the fold

Since this is about the friendship between Charlie Brown and Franklin specifically, minor inaccuracies Franklin actually being on Peppermint Patty's baseball team in the strip are forgiven. Some fans more scrupulous than I would probably have an issue with this, but I'm not one of those fans. This isn't 100% faithful to Peanuts Lore but I don't mind.

I LOVED the scene where Charlie Brown wants to pull the breaks and Franklin wants to keep going. It shows so much without saying anything, and it gives way for great conflict that makes sense and comes from real places within the characters

And I love how Franklin is allowed to be mad, and he and Charlie Brown fight. We're not afraid to rock the boat anymore, and it makes Franklin feel so much more human

Just the right amount of Snoopy scenes, this one reached the perfect balance of Snoopy and Story

Everything is just so overwhelmingly cute here I had to restrain myself from writing "cute" or any of its synonyms in my review

"We saved you a seat!" <3333

[fushiglow]

Hello glow!!! Thank you for another lovely satosugu work! :)

I absolutely love how real and tangible your writing is - seeing them start with different states of being turned on and building together really paints such a lovely picture of what intimacy is without the expectation of a perfect start-stop :) 3 cheers to realistic sexual dynamics!

Also, I think that your link at the end of your post goes to Violent Delights instead - but maybe that's just an issue on my end!

Thank you so much for this lovely feedback (and the heads up about the link), I can't tell you how much your words cheered me on Friday! They came at a time I really needed to hear them so, if you don't mind, I'm going to use this ask as an opportunity to say a few things about my writing and why I do what I do — no obligation to respond!

Quite honestly, I have been feeling a little anxious about how I'm perceived as a writer recently. When Over the Threshold started gathering some steam in January, I only had five published works on AO3 posted over the course of six months. By the end of August, I'll have 18 published works for Jujutsu Kaisen, 16 of which will be complete. I have never been this productive in a fandom before!

A lot of the reason for that is because I'm finally learning how to work with my AuDHD brain. I love writing, I really do, and I'm constantly excited by the possibilities that reside within my brain. I have more ideas than I have time or hands to write them, but I want to explore as many of those ideas as possible. In the past, I would have forced myself to stick to the thing that I was "supposed" to write, rather than following the burst of inspiration and writing the thing that I "wanted" to write. To no one's surprise, that usually meant I ended up writing nothing at all.

I'm someone who seeks out challenges, and all the fics I've published in 2024 have been experimental in some way. Come Get Your Honey was a challenge in extended metaphor. Balance was a challenge in seamlessly blending two very different universes. Mailman AU was a challenge in format. Violent Delights was a challenge in pushing myself to new and uncomfortable places. Thunder was a challenge in encapsulating an entire world and history within a single motif without ever actually seeing that world and history.

I'm really proud of every single one of those works, as well as the speed I've written them at. I've published 92k words on AO3 already this year and written far more, so I feel like I can no longer justifiably call myself a slow writer. However, all the works mentioned above have artistic merit in the more traditional sense — i.e. they're not smut.

At the time of writing this, three of my five most recent works contain sexual content with varying degrees of explicitness, and it's hard to escape that pervasive (and flawed) idea that smut is "less serious" as a form of writing. Even writing smut in the first place has been a slow process of overcoming some of my own biases. However, sex is part of the spectrum of human experiences, and it's also deeply political. Whenever I explore it in my writing, you can be sure that I always have that at the forefront of my mind. That's why these works, too, have represented something new and challenging and exciting for me.

Discreet Delivery was the first piece containing explicit sexual content that I ever shared publicly and, with how rife top/bottom discourse is in this fandom (most of which is based on heteronormative ideals that I vehemently disagree with), I really wanted to make a statement straight out of the gate. I'm very proud of how I managed to weave a switch/vers narrative into a oneshot, and the feedback on it was wonderful.

Headroom, however, presented a very different kind of challenge. It was extremely difficult to write, because it doesn't follow the beats of a traditional sex scene. There's no satisfaction for Satoru nor for the readers, and that made it tricky to keep it engaging. I was also very nervous about showing a different side of these beloved AU characters and establishing a new dynamic between them while incorporating some of the broader themes from Over the Threshold.

Finally, Tell Me I'm Pretty was pure subversion, writing Suguru in particular in a way I've never seen before to challenge expectations about "roles" in sex. It meant I had no blueprint to work from, but I'm not interested in reproducing the same dynamics I've read a thousand times. However, that also means that I felt very anxious about how people would receive this fic — especially on GeGo Day.

The truth is, everything I write I write for myself first and foremost (even if it's writing something to make my friends happy!), but it's hard to keep sight of that when you're blessed with an engaged audience. This is a huge reason why updates to Over the Threshold take time. This fic is deeply important and deeply personal to me, but its growing popularity adds a pressure that I don't want to influence my writing. I feel a constant underlying need to outdo myself with every new fic and chapter I post, but that's unrealistic and unachievable.

Obviously, I want readers to enjoy what I write, but I know the moment I start making choices for other people is the moment my writing suffers. That's the main reason why I'm reluctant to put anything behind a paywall, even if I feel frustrated with the way fanfics are casually consumed on the internet. Readers occasionally make demands of me without any respect for my time and effort and creative vision, and sometimes I look at what I've written and think, "Am I really going to give that away for free?". However, asking for anything beyond tips would change the game for me. Enjoying my writing is far more valuable to me, at least at this point in time.

All of this is to say: I really loved writing Tell Me I'm Pretty. I had a blast with it — until it came time to post, at which point I suddenly felt full of self-doubt. For you to appear in my inbox and tell me that you appreciated the realism of the intimacy in this fic? I couldn't have asked for anything more, thank you so much ♥️

TL;DR, I write for myself, but god, it's the best feeling in the world when readers resonate with my writing. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to let me know. I love you all to the moon and back!

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 21

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. This chapter is a little heavier (as is the story going forward, but I'll include potential triggers for each chapter as relevant), so please read the TW below and only read on if you feel comfortable doing so.

Potential Trigger Warnings: mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, domestic violence

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

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The days blend together in a whirlwind of rehearsals, work, and studying. The excitement for the upcoming show is palpable, but underneath it all, a sense of exhaustion lingers. I push through each long day with determination. Then one night, I stumble home after a long day, late at night. I check my mail before going up to my apartment and find a large box with my name and address on it, on the floor infront of my mailbox. Knowing the date I can only imagine what it might be. Suddenly I’m wide awake. I rush up to my apartment and dump the box on the coffee table. Knowing it could only be one person, I send him a text.

Can I open it or should I wait until tomorrow?

I wait awhile but don’t get a response. I figure he’s either asleep or in the middle of filming. I force myself to leave the box and go for a shower. Feeling warmed up and relaxed, the package falls out of my mind as I collapse into bed and fall asleep.

As I drag myself out of bed the following morning and get dressed for my shift I remember the box. I check my phone and there’s still nothing. Knowing that it’s later in the day in Vancouver, I decide to try to call him while I finish getting ready. It goes straight to his voicemail and I start to get anxious. I doublecheck the sending address on the box and it has a Vancouver address with his name, so I know at least it hasn’t even come through his management, this was all him. This makes me a little more excited, but I can’t figure out why then he’d all of a sudden be ignoring me. I try to keep a level head and tell myself he’s just busy with work. I don’t have time to dwell on it anyway. Regardless, I can’t help but dread serving loved up couples their caffeine hits for the next few hours.

I force a smile and throw on my apron as I find my rhythm. Despite my initial anxiety, I find myself getting lost in the familiar routine, the busy atmosphere providing a temporary distraction from the unanswered questions swirling in my mind. I push through and then go to my classes as usual, while avoiding checking my phone to keep myself from spiralling further unreasonably. 

As I walk home alone from the theatre, through the streets filled with loved-up couples, I try to feel happy for them while I hope that maybe next year I’ll have someone to share it with. As I approach my building I see someone sitting on the ground infront of the glass doors with their head on their knees. My heart races a little as I worry it could be someone looking for a way to sneak into the complex; I’ve seen stranger things happen in the city, unfortunately. The scene also reminds me of the time I sat in that exact position when Tyler first kicked me out of the apartment. I can’t imagine someone going through those same emotions on Valentines of all days, but for my own safety and the safety of others in the building I hope it’s the latter.

As I get closer, I can tell it’s a young girl. I think about walking past, but then I think about the immense difference it would have made if someone stopped when I was in her position. I clasp my keys in my palm as I crouch down beside her. 

“Hey, are you alright?” I ask, but she just shakes her head. “I know Valentines Day can be rough. Do you at least have somewhere to go? It’s too cold to stay out here.” She shakes her head again as her whole body shakes as she lets out a small sob. “I obviously don’t know you or what happened, but I’ve sat where you’re sitting…If you want to talk about it or just be around someone and not talk about it…” She shakes her head again. “You should at least come into the lobby, out of the cold night air.” When she still refuses to move I shrug off my jacket and wrap it around her. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, but ignore it. While she’s refusing to talk, I know from experience that she shouldn’t be alone.

I sit on the pavement beside her under the dim streetlights in silence. When I start to shiver involuntarily she offers my jacket back. “You should go inside and stay warm. Don’t stay out here because of me. I’m obviously not worth it.” 

Hearing words so similar to ones I’ve said myself breaks my heart. “Only if you’ll let me call you a ride or bring you in. You won’t believe me, but I’ve had those exact thoughts. I don’t think you should be alone tonight.” I know it must be extremely hard for her to trust a stranger but I hope I can at least get her somewhere safe and warm.

My phone vibrates again, this time with a call. I ignore it. I don’t want this girl to think anyone or anything is more important than her. 

After a while, when she realises I’m not going anywhere, she says, “There’s no one to call…I-I was stupid.”

“I’m sure you weren’t. I’m sure you are just young and optimistic and caught in terrible circumstances beyond your control. But you likely won’t believe me, because I know I wouldn’t have. I haven’t got much to offer, but I do have an apartment with a fireplace and a comfortable couch and bed, you can have whichever.”

“I don’t-”

“It’s no problem. I just want to get you off the street for the night and I don’t imagine you can afford a hotel in the city, not to make assumptions, I just know how expensive it can be out here.”

My phone starts to buzz again and she sinks back. “You should get that.”

“They can wait. It’s probably just my mom checking because she knows how hard Valentines can be for me.” I don’t want to push too hard but I know it’s only getting later and colder and neither of us are making the most of my jacket now. I stand up and swipe my keyfob over the scanner. “At least come into the lobby, I’m happy to stay down here with you or bring you a blanket. Just come out of the cold.”

She hesitantly nods and pushes herself off the cold concrete. I lead her into the lobby. “You can come up with me or I can bring you down a blanket. It’s up to you. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, I just want you to be warm and safe. And know that you’re not alone.”

“She looks around the bare, unhomely lobby and quietly asks, “C-Can I come up with you?”

“Of course.” I press the button for the lift and step back. When we get in, I notice she doesn’t even have a bag with her, just a phone that appears to be flat. I lead her into my apartment and quickly turn the lights on and start the fireplace. “The bathroom’s through there,” I motion towards my room, “If you want to have a warm shower or wash your face. The bedroom’s also in there if you’d prefer, or the couch.” I do my best to make her feel comfortable as I kick off my shoes and put down my bag. I also toss the now wilted roses in the bin, after pocketing the card. 

“They from your boyfriend? Does that mean it gets better?” she asks.

“It’s complicated, but yes, it does get better. It may take a while, but this moment doesn’t define you. Your life is so much more than your worst nights.”

She hesitantly takes a seat on the couch to warm up by the fire and I pull over a stool. “Y-You said you sat were I sat…C-Can I ask what happened?”

I nod. “My boyfriend at the time cheated on me in this very apartment. I came home from work and caught him in our bed with some girl her met at a bar. Same way he met me, ironically. He was a few years older. There were plenty of red flags I ignored. But it hurt for a long time. I am just lucky to have a great friend that helped me pull through the worst of it and keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

“He cheated with you here? And you stayed?”

“Yeah, crazy, right? I had a job here and classes and a friend and dreams. All of which were more important than a guy I moved across the country with on a whim. He went back to our home state and left me the apartment…and all the bills. I thought about trying to leave, but the location was perfect and the rent was cheaper than other places. I did get a new bed though. I threw out the bedding and sold the frame; there was nothing wrong with it, just that I couldn’t get the image of her gripping the headboard while he took her from behind, out of my head.”

“I’m sorry…”

I shake my head and shrug. “He was a dick. I’m just glad I didn’t let it break me. I almost did, and those thoughts resurface now and again, but I’m stronger for it. I know that now. I only realized that recently, actually…It’s these experiences that will eventually help you realize your worth.”

“He-He still has all my stuff. He begged me to forgive him…He-He wouldn’t let me…” I look her over as she speaks and notice she’s still cold. I reach over and pull the blanket off the back of the couch and offer it to her. She wraps it around herself and cuddles it close to her chest. That’s when I notice light purple bruises on her wrists.

“Did he?” I nod at her wrists and she hides them under the blanket. But then she nods.

“You can stay here as long as you need. I have a friend that works as a security guard, I can ask him to come over and help get your stuff tomorrow…Or we can go out and get you whatever you need.”

“He only does it when he’s…I provoke him…It’s my fault.”

I shake my head, knowing those feelings all too well. “Yeah? What’d you do?”

She shakes her head back and throws off the blanket. “It was my fault. I should go back. He’ll be mad if I-”

“I can’t and won’t stop you if you want to go. But I wish you wouldn’t. Just take the night. Get some sleep and think it over.”

She hesitantly pulls the blanket back on as she starts to cry again. “I-I just…I just wanted to go out. It was my first Valentines Day in a relationship…And in the city…I j-just…I-I shouldn’t…I know…”

“Hey, Sweetie. It’s okay to want those things. And every girl deserves that. Your man should want to take you out and show you a good time; not just on Valentines, but every day. But most of all, he shouldn’t ever hurt you. You’re not his punching bag.”

“He didn’t…He just-” My phone vibrates noisily on the counter cutting her off. “C-can I use the bathroom?”

“Of course. Let me know if you want to borrow some clean clothes. I should have something that should fit.”

“I’m okay. Thanks.” She quietly gets up and goes into the bathroom. I listen for the shower to turn on before I get up and check my phone: 15 texts and 3 missed calls from Jensen. I sigh and call him back without opening the messages.

“Thank God, you’re alive at least!”

“Me? You ignored me first.”

“I was working.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“At one in the morning? I know you get on the subway around eleven thirty, you always text when you get home. I didn’t hear from you. Jared only just talked me out of calling the police for a wellness check.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just…Something came up. I can’t talk about it right now. But I’m home and I’m safe. And I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He sighs. “Well, happy Valentines for yesterday, I guess…”

“Don’t be like that. I texted you last night and called you first thing this morning. You didn’t answer. We’re both busy. I had to accept that, so do you. And I really am busy at the moment. I will call you and explain when I can.”

“Someone more important, huh? Some guy from the show?”

I instantly tear up at his implication. “You know what? Screw you, Jensen. You know what I’ve been through and you really think I’d do that to you? Screw you.” I hang up before he can make any excuses and wipe my eyes hastily to appear strong for the girl who needs me. He instantly tries to call me back but I flick my phone to silent and plug it in to charge. I grab a change of clothes and knock lightly on the bathroom door. 

“Hey, it’s just me. I have some clothes here if you want them.” I wait a few seconds, but when I don’t get a response I put my hand on the doorknob. “I’m sorry, I’m coming in. Call out if you don’t want me to.” I don’t get a response so I push the door open and for the first time I’m thankful that it doesn’t have a lock.

I notice her sitting on the floor with her back against the bathtub and her head between her knees. She shakes as she cries heavily. As I get closer, I notice one of my bottles of painkillers in her hand. I let out a relieved sigh when I see the cap is still on. I twist off the water in the shower and crouch down beside her. 

“He’s not worth it…None of them are. But you are. You can have a very bright future. Focus on your dreams, what you want. If you put in the hard work, you can make it happen. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true.” I hold out my hand and she hands over the bottle. 

“What if he-What if someone saw us? What if he knows? What if he-”

“Do you wanna go somewhere else? I can call my friend and we can go somewhere else. As I said, he’s a security guard, he can protect you.”

She nods. I stand up and go get my phone and bring it back. I flip down the toilet lid and sit on it as I call Nick. I know Stella will be asleep, but I’m just hoping he’s finishing a shift. It rings a few times before he answers.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, Nick. Can you come over?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I was just wondering if me and a…friend could come stay with you and Stella?”

“Jensen?”

I shake my head eventhough I know he can’t see me. “Nick, could you just come, please?”

“Sure. I’m on my way. Meet me downstairs?”

“Actually, could you come up? I’ll buzz you in.”

“Okay?”

“Thank you.”

He hangs up and I go back to sit with the girl. That’s when I realize I don’t even know her name. “I’m Y/N, by the way.” I try to break the tension a little to make her feel comfortable, “I can’t believe I forgot to introduce myself.”

“Anna.”

“Nice to meet you, Anna. My friend’s gonna come here and take us back to him and his wife’s place. They live over in Manhattan. They’re both really nice. Stella is the one I was telling you about that helped me when I was going through my worst. You’ll be safe there.”

“W-will you c-come?”

“Of course. I won’t leave you.”

“I’m sorry I wasted your water and went through your stuff.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay. But I need you to tell me the truth, did you take any? I don’t mind, I’m just worried about you.”

She shakes her head. “I-I couldn’t…I couldn’t do it.”

“Well, I’m glad.”

She hangs her head again. “Todd’s gonna be so angry…”

I try my best to stifle a laugh, “Really? Todd? That’s his name?” She nods. “That’ll do it.” She looks up confused. “I’m sorry. It’s just in my experience, guy’s with T-names are the worse. The guy that cheated on me? Tyler…and also, Trent, before that.”

“Two guys?”

“What idiot falls for it twice, right? That’s why I want to help you now. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Don’t let it become a pattern. Let him be your one and only lesson. Realize your worth now.” I hear the buzzer from the intercom near the door. I stand up and hold my hand out. “My friend’s here, let’s go back out where it’s warmer.”

She slowly takes my hand and lets me pull her up and lead her back to the couch. I only leave her for a few seconds while I buzz Nick up and then let him in. Being already on edge he scans the apartment and instantly spots Anna. 

He leans close and lowly says, “There’s some frantic guy in the lobby. I don’t think you should go anywhere. I’ll stay here.”

I nod in understanding and introduce him and Anna. I gently explain the change of plans and urge her to take my bed. She argues, claiming that she should go down and check if it’s him and calm him down. But Nick and I dissuade her. In the end, she says she doesn’t want to be alone, so I lay down in my bed with her while Nick rests on the couch watching TV.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

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